i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize