so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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