GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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