My underwear smells like fireworks.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize