I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
