I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
