Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I didn't notice because vodka
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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