dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
