waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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