he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
