Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
