I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
