Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
