Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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