She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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