i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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