I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
