Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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