I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
