Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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