she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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