The maid of honor just puked.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
high people should be assigned attendants
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
