i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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