He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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