I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
