2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
