dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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