It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
