I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
