Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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