Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
and you fell through a lawn chair
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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