he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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