can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
