Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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