This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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