The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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