did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
