cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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