I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
