I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
