Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
