im drinking this country out of the recession.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
