i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
