It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
