Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
