Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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