so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
