Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
