____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
