At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
