My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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