Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
