so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
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I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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