I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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