Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Alive.
So much puke
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
