your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize