U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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