I think I died a long time ago.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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