Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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