The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
