I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
