I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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