I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
