Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
