i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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