I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
