You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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