some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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