i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
